That First Rush

With adrenaline coursing through my veins, a sudden burst of courage surges me forward. Beneath the glow of the blindingly bright lights he stands, threading his fingers through his hair. I elbow through the gyrating crowd, perspiration beading on my bare shoulders. Behind me my friends encourage my decision, cheering me on with words that are lost within the thudding beat.

He's so close now I can see the pale stripes on his tie and the natural highlights in his shining blonde hair. He doesn't see me at first—and would've walked away had I not reached my arm between the two friends flanking him on either side and tapped his shoulder.

He jerks his head toward me and his mouth instantly blooms into a grin. He opens his arms and I sidle between his two friends, who melt away into the crowd. He keeps smiling and I can feel all intelligent thought oozing out my ears.

Swallowing the heart-shaped lump in my throat, I pose a question that has been haunting me for two years. There is a pause that seems to drag on forever as he considers me, but then he grins and nods.

Sliding his hands onto my waist, he gazes down and sways my hips, his blue-green eyes hazy in the swirling colors. My head swims through the colors and sounds as the butterflies flutter frantically and he spins me around and around. For a moment, I'm walking on air. Can I hold onto this lovely, glowing feeling?

Bringing my eyes up, I concentrate on his face. Half of his features are sharply defined, half shrouded in darkness. He's sporting a strangely mechanical smile, that slight curl of the lips that seems almost amused at the world while at the same time appalled by it.

Silence overtakes us as he looks everywhere but my face and I study his shirtfront. It's matte black, soft and damp where I'm clinging to it, and his tie is shiny but I can't make out the color. Not once does he step on my feet. Occasionally he glances down at me, that little half-smile twitching on his lips as he tries to enjoy this as much as I do.

The song trails off, but he doesn't release me as the music swells and pulses again. Instead, his eyes find mine and hold me in awe for a moment before he pulls me close in a friendly embrace. I throw my arms around his neck briefly before I let him go. It kills me inside to do so because he doesn't try to reel me back and keep me. I am just another catch and release.

Even though I am slightly downcast, the exhilaration wells up inside me as I find my friends. They are waiting for me, and once I'm three feet away I scream in sheer excitement and delight. They throw their arms around me and I can't stop shaking.

I still have that feeling.